Lucky by Jasmyn Ameti

As part of EWF X Hate Mail (2026)

Three times I have had this dream, now. First, my dentist Michael shaves my teeth down for veneers. But then something happens to Michael, and he disappears into the nebula. I’m left there with a mouth agape, staring at fish posters on the ceiling. Little clown fish and big sharks swimming. But then I’m on the footpath outside and there’s a “for lease” sign on the window and it appears that the business has liquidated. It’s all in a flash, as it happens in dreams. They put you somewhere new and you understand. But I don’t have my new teeth yet. It’s like leaving the salon with wet hair. I open Snapchat on my iPhone and smile for the camera. I have nuggets for teeth. 
 
I woke up dangling off the edge of Tom’s king single bed. When I turned to snuggle my body into his I was met with cold nothing. I was grateful for my teeth but sad to miss his morning breath. As I took in his belongings before me, a particular fuzziness warmed my insides. There was his bookshelf of classic novels handed down from his mother who once wrote a novel herself. There were two bottles of fancy cologne; a gift from me, a gift from his mother. A plate sticky with dried up tomato sauce from when we had shared fish fingers the night prior. A poster of The Temper Trap, the band with the hit song “Sweet Disposition”. This one in particular I loved because it reminded me of his softness. No one would have this poster on their wall unless they genuinely loved The Temper Trap. 
 
It was then that I realised there was arguing happening. It was Tom arguing with Mary. I started to worry that maybe I had done something to him in our sleep again and Mary was taking my side. He says she’s always misplacing his laundry, always cooking his favourite dinners when he’s out at the pub. It’s like she has it out for him or something, is what he tells her. 
 
I inched towards the kitchen on my tip-toes.
 
“You don’t need to tip-toe, Andi. We heard the door open” Tom droned from around the corner. 
 
Mary’s face softened at the sight of me. She wore a colourful frock, already done up with a bold lip and tight auburn curls. She made me excited to be a mother and still be me. So stylish like an art teacher or a younger than average psychologist. 
 
“Oh Andi, how are you my darling?”
 
Mary placed her hands on my shoulders and smothered me in her embrace. She always let them linger, and I obliged, rubbing my hands up and down her back. Tom told her not to make me uncomfortable, but sometimes Mary’s hugs are the highlight of my day.
 
“Your hugs are like the highlight of my day” I told Mary.
 
“It’s barely 7.30!” She laughed.
 
“This is true”, I acknowledged. “The highlight will be when Tom wins his footy game!”
 
I attempted to include him in our conversation, adding a little shimmy dance, but his countenance grew increasingly dour by the second. I reached for his hand but he didn’t seem to notice. 
 
“I’m not going to win my footy game because someone has stolen my lucky socks and I know it was Mum’s boyfriend”
 
“Your father would not wear Rick and Marty socks, Thomas”
 
Tom’s parents weren’t actually married because they were hippy types in their youth. Mary didn’t believe in marriage. She didn’t believe in superstition either, because at this she left the kitchen and returned to her reading chair in the second living room. 
 
Tom sat slumped at the kitchen bench, watching Tik Tok videos on full volume. He only ever half watched them before swiping to the next one. I hummed a little tune and sat on the stool beside him. Across the island was a stack of Frankie magazines and an expensive coffee machine. I had been using it to teach myself to pour swans into lattes so I could be a barista on the weekends. 
 
“I had that dream again” I started, attempting to distract him from his loss. 
 
All I got out of him was a “damn”. His phone provided ample distraction from his woes. 
 
When I met Tom I had been out of the ward for one month. In the hospital I made everyone laugh a lot, aside from the scary ones of course. There are always scary ones. I had no visible scars and was always agreeable. I ate my meals with a smile on my face and asked everyone questions about the things they liked and their brothers and sisters and dogs. The only day I didn’t speak was when I realised one of the nurses was the older sister of a girl I went to school with. It reminded me too much of the outside, particularly my not being in it. The girls back at school were under the impression I was suffering from a very bad case of glandular fever. 
 
I went back to Tom’s bedroom and set out to find the lucky socks. I sat cross-legged on his floor and began to empty the contents of his bedside draws. 
 
1. Condoms
2. Miscellaneous chargers
3. Undies
4. Five vapes, dead
5. Dune, spine uncracked 
 
“I thought we’d at least hit six months before the suspicious girlfriend arc began” 
 
Tom’s tone was sarcastic, but when I turned around I could see he still had his angry face on. The pits behind my knees pooled with sweat.
 
“Maybe they’d be easier to find if you kept your room a bit tidier?” 
 
Even then, I knew that you must be honest with those you love even when it makes them unhappy. I don’t like to be angry at anyone. I really don’t like it. I remember making myself imagine what our children might look like in order to forgive him. A boy twin and a girl twin. Chad, short for Chadwick and Lila, short for nothing. They would share my eyes, but only Chad would get my nose, which would be lucky for Lila. They would both be ginger like Tom. 
 
Tom sat on his bed with his head in his hands. 
 
“I don’t even care anymore. Just stop looking already”
 
6. Tissues, used
7. Nintendo 3DS
8. Bible 
9. Printed summary of “Bipolar Disorder” off Web MD
 
“This is an invasion of privacy, Andi”
 
I ignored him, aphasic in my determination until he let out a loud groan. What he said next went like this: he saw my scars when he was going down on me the night before and they were so fresh it looked like I only could’ve done it whilst our show was paused and he’d left to take a shit. He didn’t want to say anything because we hadn’t been dating very long and in the moment I sounded like I was so close, and I still hadn’t cum in front of him yet which is really strange because he’s not doing anything wrong and is perfectly fine at oral sex. He has been told before that he is good at oral sex. So basically it’s my fault because I’m obviously very troubled and what’s the point of a relationship if you can’t talk to the other person HELLO???
 
He waved his hand across my face because I had nothing to say. 
 
I left Tom’s bedroom and went outside to find Mary’s tobacco stash in the shed. She kept it there so Tom’s dad would never find out she still needed one to wind down sometimes. She didn’t want Tom to know but he knew. 
 
I only ever smoked cigarettes when they were offered to me because I didn’t want people thinking I thought I was better than them for saying no. It tasted really bad but I smoked it anyway. A rivulet of sweat trickled down my calf. I focused on that sensation. 
 
Mary found me outside. Guilt settled deep in the stomach. She settled beside me on the grass. 
 
“My son is a silly boy”
 
“He’s probably going to get a 99 ATAR. I don’t know if I can even finish Year 12”
 
Mary removed the cigarette out of my fingers and took a drag. She coughed a little bit and we laughed together. 
 
“Andi, I think you are a very bright girl” she told me. 
 
“What if they let me out of the hospital too soon?” 
 
Mary put her hand around me and rubbed up and down my arm. She assured me everything would be perfectly fine. 
 
Tom found Mary and I smoking outside. 
 
“I found my socks”. 
 
Some years later I am at the movies with my best friend Jane. We are going to see the final iteration of the Dune saga. Jane goes to the bathroom because the movie is long. When I am waiting for her by the box office, I look up from my iPhone and it’s Tom. He is holding a box of popcorn and two choc tops. I haven’t seen him since we graduated high school. 
 
“Woah, Andi. Are you watching Dune?”
 
“Wow. Yeah, I am”
 
“You were always so obsessed with Timothée. I thought it was really random but he’s such a goat”
 
“Yeah… he’s changed a lot in recent years”
 
“So have you, it seems”
 
He gestures to my hair because it is red and not brown. 
 
“Mums gonna freak when I tell her I ran into you. We dated like nine months and you’re still her favourite”
 
Tom is almost an anaesthesiologist. When his girlfriend returns to him, I learn that she is too, and that’s how they met. They look in love. When Jane returns, he asks if we are in love. I tell him yes, we are very close but I am still straight. 
 
The last Dune movie is really good. After the movie, Jane drives me to work because I am working the night shift at the psychiatric hospital. I’m still on my Learner’s but I’m working on it. My test is in three weeks and I’m pretty sure I’ll pass. 
 
At work I talk to a patient about her favourite band and her brother, her sister and her dog Milo.
 
The next morning I am happy when I wake up with all of my teeth and my new boyfriend Jake.